You couldn’t even hug me as a friend. After what was my best relationship, and what you claim to be your best, after doing everything in and out of my power to make you happy and prove I put you first before anything even when it didn’t have to be proven, I get treated, by you, like you’ve only known me for a day. Oh but wait, I shouldn’t say that. You treated people you’ve only known for a day better than how you’re treating me right now. And I just have good intentions while the others only talk to you for stupid reasons such as “I think you’re pretty/hot/whatever”. But that’s okay, I guess I’ll always feel like worthless shit around you now, so might as well get me used to it right? You should’ve told me you were bored and didn’t love me when I asked instead of lying to me so you break up with me for no reason. Fuck.
So. Finally trying to let go. I’m done being a depressed little bitch not giving a fuck of what harm may happen to me. Honestly, it hurts like fuck, and it’s gonna keep hurting because I still love her, but she’s happier without me. I’m done hurting myself and being stupid, riding my friend’s bike into busy intersections. I’m done hearing “I need space” or “don’t make me hate you”, that shit hurts. I’m just done. Time to live again, as best as I can. Just gotta bottle that depression and control it I guess. Control myself. It’s funny because she probably thinks I never changed because of what I said that day at Binhtang. Hopefully that’s not the case though eh? This might be a stupid post cause to my previous knowledge, she still followed me. If she sees it then fine, she’ll probably think it’s another desperate cry but it’s not. If she’s so god damned happy without me, when she told me over and over how happy she was with me, then why can’t I be? I’m gonna stop asking my friend to borrow his bike. I’m gonna wipe that blood off my knife. I’m gonna clean my chest of any blood or scabs. I’m gonna pick my worthless self up and keep pushing, just like I was taught to do. I’m not moving to Alaska anymore, there’s no point “trying to clear my mind” when everyone knows I suck at that. I think this post is done. Toodaloo mother fuckers.